for the 
.The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted
.
.“You must mean the lift,” he said.
“No,” the American
responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”
responded. “If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator.”“Well,” the portiere answered, “over here we call
them lifts”.
them lifts”.“Now you listen”, the American said rather irritated, “someone in America invented the elevator.”
“Oh, right you are sir,” the portiere said in a polite tone, “but someone here in England
invented 
the language.”
invented the language.”Italian Speaking
A bus stops and two Italian men
get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores
them at first
, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses
, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed
swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives
…
swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives…“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi
’.”
’.”The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it English is a stupid language.
** There is no egg
in the eggplant.** No ham in the hamburger
.** English muffins
were not invented in England. ** French fries
were not invented in France.We sometimes take English for granted but if we examine its paradoxes
we find that quick sand takes you down slowly boxing rings
are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig
. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.If the plural of tooth
is teeth Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught,Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian
eats vegetables what the heck does a humanitarian eat!Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital
?English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)That is why when the stars are out they are visible but when the lights
are out they are invisible
and why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts but when I wind up this observation
,It ends.
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